Monday, December 31, 2012

Bring on 2013!!!

Wow we are about to say goodbye to 2012 and hello to 2013!!! I can't believe how fast is year has gone! Christmas was here and gone so fast and now so is New Year's! 

What good happened to you in 2012? Bad? I don't have anything I can say horrible happened but I have had a decent happy year in 2012. I married my best friend and love of my life! I gained a daughter, I went from shared parenting to full custody of my son, I really got better at couponing, Detroit Tigers went to the World Series for the 2nd time since I've been born lol (even if we did lose!) and much more!


I became a better person this past year. I have a very happy family life. This is what I've always wanted! I donated a lot of food and other items. I really grew up. And I'm glad I did!


Look at all the new (old) toys that came out in 2012. Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, Furby!, Gak, Floam and more! So many toys that have came back out or are more popular again!


What is everyone doing tonight!? Anyone doing anything fun and exciting? We have the kids this year so we are taking them bowling! We reserved a package for 2 1/2 hours. Pizza, bowling, pop and fun! Got them,ids glow bracelets and necklaces! Then after we are going to my sister-in-law's house to hang with family for a bit! I'm super excited to take them bowling!


I want to wish everyone a very HAPPY NEW YEAR! I hope everyone has a fun and safe night!








Sunday, December 30, 2012

Perdue Oven Ready Chicken is bangin'!!

I was sent a Bzzkit with a free coupon for a free Perdue Oven Ready chicken to review. In my kit I also received coupons to pass out for others.

I give this chicken 10 thumbs up! It was so easy to make and tasted amazing!

You buy it right from the refrigerated meat section. You can either cook it then fresh or you can freeze it and cook it later. Well I didn't have it in my meal plan to cook that week so I put it in my freezer and cooked it this past week. ( a week later) ... So I figured you would have to defrost if before cooking, but nope! You can pull it from them freezer and cook right away!

It was so moist and juicy! There was even a ton of juice left over to make a gravy. Which they even give you directions n how to make a gravy!So I preheated the oven, cut open the package, and took the chicken (which was already seasoned and in a cooking bag) cut a slit, and put in baking dish. I cooked it for 2 hours and 45 minutes and it was done!

This chicken had such a great flavor! It was so simple a child could do it! (Obviously old enough to use an oven with an adult!) Its great for a full time working mom who wants to cook a nice meal for her family! It's so simple to prepare, cook, and cleanup!

Here is a picture of my Perdue Chicken after it was cooked. I forgot to take a picture of it before I cute it up lol.



Saturday, December 29, 2012

I'm giving this a 10++++

Lucas begged and begged for Sylander's for Christmas. I heard good things about the game so I decided to give it a shot. It did seem confusing with all of the characters that they make for it. Different elements. I heard you need certain characters for certain parts of the game. So I was lost on what to exactly buy.

I bought Skylander's Spyro Adventure's for my Xbox 360. I just got him the starter pack. Since we did Christmas with Santa on Christmas Eve morning because Lucas would be with his dad Christmas morning I got to see the game played before I purchased anything else. Well ToysRus ended up having Skylander's buy one get one free. They are $10.99 a piece. So I got 4 for the price of 2. I have him those when he got back from his dads.

We are both hooked on this game! There are 7 elements so you should start with 7 different figures, since you need certain elements for certain areas of the game. Their are 32 Skylanders characters for the Spyro series. Then they recent,y came out with Skylander's Giants.

Eventually we will get that but probably not for a year. This will keep us plenty busy! It's a very fun game and story line. I love this game and am hooked myself! You can play one or two players which is nice since I get to play with Lucas and I can also play my own game while he's in bed! Lol.

So I highly recommend this game for everyone. Not just boys or kids but for girls and adults also! Very fun game for everyone!!


Tuesday, July 24, 2012

I finally said "I do"


On Friday July 13th I finally gave up the single life and married Lee. Lol! Actually the day was perfect. It went so smooth it was amazing!

I stayed at my parents house the night before so Lee could stay with the kids at the house. When My alarm went off I just wanted to hit off and go back to sleep. I was tired and NERVOUS! My heart was already racing and it was only 8 am!
I made sure my parents were both awake and hit Kroger for breakfast Goodies! I was determined to try and eat! And the kids were being dropped off to me around 9-10 am. So I picked up muffins, doughnuts, cinnamon rolls and of course Orange juice!.. I had a muffin and coffee. And that was all that hit my stomach until dinner!
Tiff came over to do our hair. She cut my dads first. Then my turn! It took awhile but the end result was gorgeous! But then again Tiff never does a bad job! She then did Mandy's and my moms.... Time to load the car, pick up bouquets and get to the church!
I was so ungodly nervous! My hands were trembling as I did my mascara! Lol. I got the kids ready, then mom and Mandy got ready then was the hard part... Me! Took awhile to get my dress on without messing up my hair! And took even longer lacing the back of my dress up since it was a corset top.
Finally everyone was ready and it was time. When I stood outside the door hearing the songs change to my son. Michelle featherstone " we are man and wife" I started to panic a little bit. There was a certain part I was to start walking at. She sang and my dad was telling me I'd be fine. The was the part "and now we are man and wife" and I tapped my dad with my elbow and said, "ok dad, let's go!" and we walked. We got around the the corner (and my dad stepped on my dress lol) and I looked up and saw Lee standing up there. I saw he had tears in his eyes and I looked away, straight forward. I just kept telling myself to breathe. I was shaking so bad! I didn't even hear half of the what the pastor was saying! Lol.. We wrote our own vows so we read them, lit the unity candle, and passed out the roses to our parents. His brother and sister took his mom (in heaven) and dad (in Florida recovering open heart surgery). Finally we said "I do" and kissed. We were married!
I was so overwhelmed but in a good way. I married my best friend. After the ceremony at the church we went to Botanical Gardens so Abby (a friend from high school) could take our pictures. I haven't recieved the cd yet just some that she has tagged me on Facebook and wow she did good!


I can't wait to see all the other pictures that she took!! I can't wait to get them printed and in albums, frames, and on my walls!!
We had a great time!... After pictures we went to Spaghetti Warehouse where we met our close friends and family. We were there for quite awhile talking, laughing and having fun. We cut the cake and smashed it in each others face! Lol. Although it was real icing and wouldn't smear real well. We still had a great time. Then we went on the party bus! All our friends family and we had a blast! ... Mandy loaded a cooler with beer and cupcake vodka for shortcake bombs! They were yummy! Laughing, blasting music, drinking while driving to the next stop.. It was fun. Had a great time!
I'm glad we decided not to have a huge wedding. That's not me. I don't really like being center of attention, being in front of a big crowd all eyes on me. Had a small ceremony, a nice dinner, and out for drinks after, all with only close friends and family. It was small and intimate. Memorable. I had a great nit with my husband :).



Saturday, July 21, 2012

Games and movies aren't the cause!

I don't understand how people think. A guy kicks in the emergency exit door wearing a gas mask and throws a can of tear gas out and opens fire, shooting randomly. Many injured and several die. Ages ranging from 3 months to 45 years of age. What do people talk about? Why would a parent bring a 3 month old to a movie theater that late at night. It had to of been the media that made him snap. Movies and games are just so violent nowadays. I mean REALLY people!?! Really?

I don't understand how society can put blame on a video game or a violent movie. It's a movie. Fiction. Not real. Plain and simple. A violent movie isn't going to make you go out and buy a gun and kill people. This guy had this planned out. I've didn't just snap this was premeditated. He was already not right in the head. A sane person doesn't go in wearing a gas mask, throw a can of tear gas and shoot up the place. Not only did he kill and injure adults but he also killed and injured children. He had to of know children would be there. To me that's the sockets you can possibly get. Killing an innocent child. He was sick. Movies didn't make him this way. He can't blame it on video games.

People always want to put the blame on someone else. I'm not even saying the shooter is saying this. It's other people talking. It's something your born with or the type of environment you grew up in. Don't put the blame on an easy way out on something on t.v. I'm do sick and tired of hearing it! I grew up watching violent movies, playing with guns, and playing violent games and I am not a murderer.

I Took my 5 year old son to see this movie last night. He has seen The Dark Knight before also. Lucas is not violent in any way. I sensor some shows/movies but only nudity and scary movies. He gets nightmares from scary movies so I choose to not let him watch those. Violence and swearing is reality. I'm not going to shelter him. Some people think that's wrong. the media thinks violent movies and games make our kids grow up to act like this sicko!! I believe your born with a feeling to kill. It's in you from the day you were born. You born with a sickness. Normal people can't just shoot someone for revenge or just because. I do believe your upbringing and home environment can also play roles.

Say if your father was a leader of a gang and you grew up with him in and out of jail or killing and robbing people then your more likely to do the same as your grow up.. But seriously don't blame the tv and games!! Its just a place to point the blame. An excuse. Not reality!

Monday, June 25, 2012

Non existent

Looks like things will never change. At some point I think I may just snap. I get sick of being treated different. I get sick of being 2nd best. It wasn't always this way..

I'm a hard worker. I bust my ass. I was working 120 hour weeks there for awhile. I try and be super mom. I make homemade meals, I take Lucas to everything and so all sorts of activities and crafts. We learn, we play, we love. Ok I'm a good mom. And a good worker. And damn it I'm a good daughter, and I'm sick of being treated like this. I'm feel like I'm being punished for being independent.

When I lived at home, laid off for 6mths, paying a custody lawyer for custody of Lucas, carless ( since Dan took mine) and wasn't getting child support, I had to pay to live there. I paid water bill, I bought groceries, I bought dog food for both dogs, cat liter and food for both cats. I helped clean, did dishes, vacuum and I did most of the cooking. While my brother has been living there pretty much the whole time minus a few points where he did move out, he didn't have to pay anything and they never stuck to making him do anything around the house. Im not blaming my brother, since my mom never stuck to whatever she said with him.

It just gets old. I see stuff being handed to him for free and always helping him in every way but when it comes to something with me it's never that easy.

When Lee and I started planning our wedding my dad said he would give us $1000 towards it. That would cover food and alcohol. I never really counted on that money because my parents talk a lot but never actually come through with it. Well good thing I never counted on it and not having a wedding anymore because what do you know, they wouldn't have it anyways.

My mom can't take a day off work to go out with me for my bachelorette party. I really want my mom to go but she says she can't. Then that following Friday we are getting married and I told my mom that she better go out in the bus after. She said at one point that she couldn't because she might have to work. That pissed m off. I bitched T her because I told her the only reason why this is even happening is because she flipped when we told her we were going to elope in Cancun. I then told her she better go or else I'm done. I told her no difference if I was having a huge reception after she still would have to take off.

We aren't doing a big wedding. We are doing a small ceremony, pictures, dinner, and bar bus. I bet we buy our dinner and most of our drinks when we shouldn't have to. We have parents and they should be picking up that small amount.

Since they aren't doing anything for my wedding they better not when it's my brother's time. If you can't do for both then you shouldn't do for either.

I'm sick of being treated different. It's like they are there 100% with him. Yet only 10% with me. And that 10% is helping with Lucas. That's my mom helping take him to school for me so I can work, or the occasional day when I need her to watch him for a few hours. But that's it. Other than that I don't ask for help or anything from them, nor do they offer.

It's not that I can't say I'm happy I'm independent it's just I feel like I don't matter. Like I don't exist to them.

Tuesday, June 19, 2012

Board games rock!

Operation "CARS" Edition!



This is Lucas's favorite game right now. He got this from my friend Rae for Christmas this past year. Almost every day we have been playing board games. I'll ask him which game he wants to play and of cours he says "Mater game" lol. He's starting to catch on much more and not get as frustrated as he was when we first started playing. But all in all Operation is a classic and is fun no matter what our age is. I have a ton of fun playing this game with him! I would recommend this game to any kid especially a little boy!

Another one of his favorites is Spongebob Ants in my Pants. This was another game he seemed to have many frustrations with. But now he's a lil pro at it!

The top of Lucas's closet is full with all sorts of board games! It's always so much fun playing a new game!.. He has some classics like Hungry hungry hippos, the 2 I mentioned above, Dont break the ice, Rock em' Sock em' .. That game I love! Board games are a fun and cheap way to bring the family together and bond! We get silly when the four of us play board games!

One of my favorite board games as a kid was Guess Who and Battle Ship. I can't wait until Lucas is a little older and we can play! All y childhood favorites I plan on introducing to him so we can have fun together and can make new memories!

Here are some pictures of Lucas when we were playing Operation tonight.

Getting his piece out.

look at all my monnies mommy!!

Samples by mail!

Freefly's is an awesome site to join with lots and lots of freebies! I've signed up for laundry samples, beauty samples, pet samples, food samples, and others! I love coming home and checking my mail box to see what goodies I received! The best part about it all is its all FREE!!! It doesn't take long to request a freebie. Most sites you just need to fill out a form. Although I do highly suggest using a junk email address or creating one. I didn't do this at first and ended up receiving do much spam that my old email is now my junk email and I had to make a new one for actual use.

Some other places I sign up or my freebies are...

- All you has a daily freebie deal. A few of the daily freebies I've signed up for was, Arm and Hammer tooth paste, a cologne sample, Tcby ice cream, Miracle Whip sample, Fruit Garnier shampoos sample and more! I love this Site because it's daily you sign up for a freebie and it's sort of a mystery because you can't see what the freebie is unil the day to sign up.

- Walmart also has samples that they update occasionally that you can request. They are usually pretty useful samples also.

I have a pretty good stock up of freebies that I've received in the mail. They are nice to pack for a trip or a long day out.nlike the tampons or pads. Or mini shampoo, conditioner, toothpaste, deodorant, and toothpaste samples are great for weekend getaway trips!


Another great way to receive freebies Is to look up blog giveaways and enter. I just started entering blog giveaways. Id I win something from doing a giveaway I'll make sure I come back and share!

I'm really into getting stuff cheap and free, as I'm sure everyone is. I get on my iPad daily and looks for freebies, coupons, email consumers for coupons, and enter giveaways! So if ou have some kick ass sites for me please share!

Thursday, June 14, 2012

7 things

7 Dislikes

1. Feet!

2. The cold... Brrrr I freeze!

3. Ghetto crap! Hello speak English!!

4. Waiting

5. Elevators

6. Whiskey

7. Fake people

It's coming fast!

July 13th that is.... Yeah the days seem to be going faster and faster now. Before I know it I'll be married..

The kids have their clothes. They do look cute as hell!! I just have to pick up Lucas's shoes and his bottoms. We both have our rings. We went and picked out what him and Dave are wearing. They are going in the next 2 weeks to get sized and ordered. I have to go next week to try on my dress and buy the slip and bra for it. Mandy has her dress. I have my photographer booked! Thank god Abbie is so awesome and doing it! I just love her work! I'm sooo excited that she will be doing my pictures!!! :) .. Next week we are going to meet with the pastor and also get our marriage lisence. Now I need to start working on my vows!!!

So we decided to write our own vows... I'm pretty good with words and with writing but this is one project that I think I may have a hard time doing! I'm going to start when I am off in la-la land at work lol. I figure I can jot some stuff down, at break when I'm in my car, At the gym, etc... I hope I come up with something good.

I'm curious to see how bad I freak out come wedding day. I know we are having a super small ceremony but I am terrified now, I can't imagine how I'll be come that morning. I told Lee today that I think that following week is when I'll really panic. Once it's final.. Ohhh man look out!!! I'm gonna freak like I've never freaked before! Lol

Everything will be final. I'll officially be Mrs. decker.. I'll be a Mrs. Omg!!!! Lol I won't be a Textor anymore. That is gina take some getting used to.. Wow.. And I mean... I'll be married! Lol.. Ouch! That's scaryyyyyy!

Lee doesn't seem to be nervous or scared whatsoever. I don't understand how he's not?? He's so excited to get married. Lol

I am excited to wear my dress though. It's been along time since I tried it on, I can't wait! Lol

Wednesday, June 13, 2012

7 things

7 things I love about summer

1. Festivals, carnivals, and fairs!

2. Swimming in the pool or playing at the beach

3. Playing outside with the kiddos!

4. Driving with the windows down and the windows down!

5. Drinks and cookouts outside!

6. The warm sunshine.!

7. Zooing it!

Tuesday, June 12, 2012

7 things

7 Favorite Movies

1. The Dark Knight

2. The Time Traveler's Wife

3. Iron Man

4. The Avenger's

5. V for Vendetta

6. The Notebook

7. Dirty Dancing

Dr Scholl's Massaging Gel Insoles

I received my kit in the mail a couple weeks ago.. Inside my kit were the Dr Scholl's Massaging Gel Inserts with a stack of coupons!

I was soooooo excited to try out my new insoles! I knew right away when I was chosen for this campaign that I was going to use them in my work shoes. I work in a factory standing on cement and do a lot of standing in one spot and also walking.

I must say I was disappointed! I thought, "Well I'll give them a chance, its only the first day and maybe I need to get used to the ." Keep in mind this is my first time ever actually using insoles! So I have nothing to compare my new insoles with except the ones that are already in my shoes lol!

Maybe my expectations were to high. But they didn't help my feet much. I could tell a little difference but not a drastic one. My feet and heels still hurt.

I still use the insoles in my shoes for work on a daily basis. I have some relief on my heel with the insoles in, I just don't feel like I'm walking on water lol. I do not think they make a big enough difference to go out and buy a pair.

I've had friends in the past rant and rave About Dr Scholl's gel inserts. I am going to give them coupons and tell them to give these a try. I'm curious to see if this is just me, I'd love their opinion. I have always heard great things about the gel inserts. Just because I tried this specific kind wouldn't stop me from buying other insoles from Dr Scholl's.


Monday, May 21, 2012

Stay parked next time,

Tonight I went to my parents house to drop of the car seat. Lee ran it inside because he said he didn't want to be there forever because he wanted to go in and watch the game. Well since he was taking forever I shut the car off and ran inside. Where I walked into my father and Lee talking... My father had obviously been drinking... I hate when he acts like that. He was feeling no pain that's for sure.. Telling me how nice I looked and gave me a hug and said it was nice to see his long lost daughter. Ok for one... That's not how we act. We don't hug or he doesn't show affection.. Unless he's been drinking.. He gave me a few more compliments and I started feeling uncomfortable because when he acts like that I don't know how to respond. So I sit on the floor and give Chance, our family dog, some lovings. My dad starts talking about how shittynof a vacation he had (my parents went up north a few hours to a cabin for like 3 days) and how him and my mom fought. He started cutting her down and bitching about her.. Which I started to try and change the subject. Especially since that's always one of the main topics of conversation is something negative about my mom. As he continues to bitch and complain about how miserable heh was while away, I couldn't help but think to myself, why continue to go then? Why do you insist on taking my mom on a mini getaway knowing your just lying to make it hell for not only her but you? It doesn't seem to register apparently. It's like every time I am over at my parents house and my father is there its the same shit!.. I really don't stop over anymore. He just has this way of making your feel so sad when you leave to go home. He can't ever be happy. He has to try and make everyone else feel horrible. Today he gave me compliments and I didn't know how to respond because well, frankly my dad doesn't give them very often. And if he does he makes sure to say something negative to erase the positive comment he just shared. I wish that I had a father who actually acted like one. Who I could go to when I needed to talk or needed something. Not someone who just makes me feel worse about myself after we have a conversation. I love him to death dont get me wrong. But when I think about how I feel about him it reminds me of when my grandma passed away (his mom). I didn't know how to feel. My grandma was a horrible person. She was a shitty mom, a shitty grandmother, just a shitty person in general. She was selfish. She was a liar. A fraud. Fake. Miserable. Negative. Person. And my father followed right in her footsteps. And when she passed away she did it alone. The only two people who went to visit her was myself and my cousin Jeff. Her kids didn't even see her. They only went to the funeral for show. Which my dad didn't even go. When I got the call I cried but didn't know how felt. She treated me like total shit and my brother like he walked on water. Yet I was always there for her. (I was 18 when she passed away, even though her mind was gone a few years before that) I loved her but I was confused. I broke down in front of the funeral home before I went in, but that was the last tear I shed. That reminds me of my father. Although I love my father . I just look at it like that. I don't know how I feel half the time. As I'm sitting here with many thoughts running through my mind on this subject, I just can't seem to spit it all out. All I can think is how I just wish I never went in to get Lee. How I wish today didn't happen. All it did was hurt...

Thursday, May 17, 2012

Hmmmmmm..... Grrrrrr....

hmmmmm.... It's amazing how you think some people are but you are totally wrong.. How you can know someone for a long time or just a short time and you think you know them and turns out you don't. How they tell you something and it's a total lie! I flat out asked a question to someone and I got an answer then turns out I find out the answer I was given wasn't the truth. I honestly don't get it though. I don't understand why people can't just be up front and honest with other people. I might not always say exactly how I feel but I'm a pretty upfront and honest person and I expect to be treated the same way in return. I'm sooooooo frustrated I can't even put it into words!!!

Wednesday, April 11, 2012

7 of my favorite books.- This was hard, I have many books that I LOVE. But this is what I could come up with that I know I do love!

1. "Valley of the Dolls" By Jacqueline Susan (I just loved loved loved this book! I read all her books. They are amazing! If you haven't read this give it a shot, I bet you love it. I was recommended to read it and I'm thinking about re reading it again!)

2. "A Time Traveler's Wife" By, Audrey Niffenegger (Love it, simple as that!)

3. "Suzanne's Diary for Nicholas" By. James Patterson (I've read this about 5x. I love it!!)

4. "The Davinci Code" By. Dan Brown (Most have read, it's awesome!)
5. Harry Potter series (I couldn't put these books down when I started them, I LOVED every single one!!)

6. "The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo By. Stieg Larsson (I had a hard time reading this at first, but then I couldn't put it down! AMAZING book and awesome series!)

7. Twilight Series By. Stephanie Meyer (This is an obvious one for us girls! lol)

Best friends for life!

Been best friends for 18 years. Wow!!! When Mandy moved into the apartments that I lived in and we met, we were instantly friends. I dropped all my other friends and we were joined at the hip from then on.

We did everything together. Partners in crime! She lived right upstairs from me. We pretty much lived together. Her mom just assumed I was staying for dinner. We really didn't have to ask to stay at eachothers house, it was pretty much a given on the weekends. In the summer well we just split it between our places lol.

*Building our "robot" out of boxes and spare parts from appliances haha!!*

Playing hide and seek in the whole apartment complex! Mandy's cousin hiding "love" notes all around her bedroom! lol.. The Polish festival every year!.. Going swimming at night with the lights on in the pool!.. Paging people and leaving the pay phone number at the pool! haha.. Splitting bag of chips and each getting hot dog from 711.. Subway.. Walking to ace hardware to make copies to make a coloring book! lmao!.. DARNELL!!.. All night skate at Ohio Skate!.. The drug store!.. Them kick ass breadsticks from the pizza shop next to the drug store! Yum!!.. Flicking Dewey and them chicks off and running like a bad outta hell!.. The Ouijia board lmao!.. Bringing the bear to life with candles haha.. Ringing door bells and running.. Papa Johns at your house, Hungry Howies at mine!.. Playing Nintendo in your room all night. Bubble Bobble, Paperboy and Super Mario 3 were our faves!.. Getting all set up to play barbies and then we'd be done.! Always making Pat play Ken haha!.. Hide and Seek in your bedroom with Cliff, Jordan and Pat lol.. Ricky and Derrick!.. Me and Ricky sticking gum on the door knobs.. JIM!! LOL... Northtowne Mall.. Me, you and Amber going and seeing Final Destination!.. Home lane! lol.. Nick and Tony.. Your dad walking in on us with HOT DAM! You with the bottle and me with the shot! ut oh! lol.. "Becky they had boys in the house and they were smoking cigars!" hahaha... My mom busting in on Jeff, Jason, you and I smoking weed and drinking lmao!! Chasing Jeff with the broom up the stairs!.. Maid of honor in your wedding.. Martini nights.. Going in hungover after 8 martini's! lol.. Horseman!.. Remember locking your keys in your car and had to get online to find a ride to get your spare? haha.. AOL.. Getting your car stuck in the ally in the snow haha!.. Putting to much oil in your car and blowing the engine! WHOOPS! LMao! Your dad was soooo mad at us!.. Your 21st birthday party!.. My 21st birthday party (we both called off the next day lol).. Liquor all over your car when we drank outside all night, and the cops coming!.. St.Patty's Day!.. Indian's vs Detroit game with Rick and Dan.. Walking all over Cleveland til god knows what time!.. Me taking my pregnancy test at work, Me:Mandy it's jsut a very faint line.. You:Nicole there are 2 lines your pregnant! lol.. You were first to know!!.. Homecomming dance.. Sneaking wine coolers from your moms basement to drink lol.. Jello shots.. Thirsty Thursdays at Tonia's!.. Beer Pong.. Major Magics.. Being drunk swimming in your pool having Brian flip us over on the rafts!.. Going to Cleveland with me and my mom! The Power ranger night light flickering on and off, the water turned on. Hiding under the blankets!. My 13th birthday party when we scratched the "unnamed" persons cds on my skateboard! haha.. Sneaking me out to malibus because my mom and dad wouldn't let me! lol..

God girl that's only part of it! We've had so many memories!

We've been through it all that's for sure! We just instantly clicked! We were made to be best friends for life! I remember when we lied to your mom and said you didn't have school and you stayed the night with me and went to school with me lol! And then we lied and said we didn't have school and went to Swanton and hung out with a guy lmao!!

Man we were trouble makers! We've always been there for eachother. I'm glad you've been my partner in crime. I wouldn't have it any other way. I always want us to be this close. To tell eachother everything. To be there for eachother through the hard times and the fun times.

I love how we can look around and notice something, look at eachother and know EXACTLY what eachother's thinking and laugh! I love how we have that connection. There aren't many people who have friendships like we do. Who have been friends for 18 years like us. That's rare. And we are just beginging!

Your my sons godmother. I'll be your sons godmother. They will grow up to be close and family! Lucas will always look after his little "brother" just as we've always looked after eachother. They will be best friends just like us.

I remember when you went to your papaw's in Lima for a week and I was sleep walking, opened the door and walked up stairs and knocked on your door. I walked back in and my dad happened to hear the door. See I missed your ass! lol.

I'm glad that I have a friend that I can tell everything to. That I know that if I ever need anything your there. When things get rough and I'm upset I can always lean on you. And you can always do the same. We are so much alike in so many ways. We aren't just best friends we are sisters!

I love when it starts getting nicer out. We start our weekly drink fest at the horseman! lol.. We do the cookouts at your house, eat, swim, drink and bullshit! Go to all the fairs and carnivals! I'm so looking forward to doing all that with our kids this summer! I can't wait.

We have been through it all with eachother right by eachothers side and I wouldn't change a thing! I'm so glad you've been along for the crazy ride we've both shared! I hope our boys end up just like us girl! I love you so much!!!

"Best-friends are like sisters except God didn't make us the same because he knew that one mom couldn't handle us."

"BEST FRIEND- someone who has been there for you through everything & they know more things about you than anyone else!"

Tuesday, April 10, 2012

7 things

I'm going to start the 7 things list again. I'm going to try and do it every day. If I blog that day I'll do it at the end. Let's see how well I stick to this! HA!

7 things that attracts me to a guy..
1. Good with kids (especially mine! lol)
2. Works!!
3. Hands. I'm a hand girl all the way! (Don't get me wrong I'm for sure an arm girl also! And the lower belly.)
4. How well he can make me laugh. I love it when a guy can make me laugh. But he has to know how to be serious and take things serious also.

5. If I'm in my lounge clothes with my hair just thrown up and no make up on watching a movie on the couch or in bed. Is still attracted to me. I don't like it when a guy thinks a girl needs to be done up all the time for her to be attractive!

6. Is there for me in every way. (Which needs to be mutual)
7. Animal lover. Point blank. !

Obviously there are the norms. Trust, etc but this is more specific!

Monday, April 9, 2012


Ever have one of those days where you want to stay in bed all day, because your so down? Yeah I'm sure that I'm not the only one there. Today I just should have taken a bunch of sleeping pills and slept all day and night. But then again I'm sure I'd feel the same way I feel right now, but tomorrow. Ugh!

My mind is racing today. I can't seem to focus. I'm upset, sad, angry, hurt, curious, distant, cautious, confused, helpless, lost, skeptical, uneasy, frustrated, hesitant, vulnerable, alone, restless... I'm sure I could continue. Today is definitely NOT my day! Well really it hasn't been my weekend!..

It's like I really don't have a lot to bitch about. I do not have it as bad as many other people out there. My parents are alive (although I wouldn't exactly call them parents) but they are here, I have my son, a full time job (and a part time job) I have food, a roof over my head. I dealt with much worse myself.

It's just sometimes shit hits me and it hurts. I went through worse just being with Dan. Maybe that's why right now I'm so confused? I don't know. When I left him I felt like my world was turned upside down. I mean it was. I was now a single mom, who had just been recently laid off (for 6 months) he took my car, I had to move home, and fight for custody. He treated me like shit, he may not have put his hands on me anymore but the mind games continued. The shit still exsisted.

Now it's like I'm just fed up. I don't want to go through what I went through before. I can only deal with so much before I just don't give a shit anymore. This weekend I hit my breaking point. I never ever would've thought he would've pulled the shit he did. He's WAY more jealous that Dan. He's more jealous than anyone else I know. And how in the hell do I end up being the bad guy in all this?

I feel like someone is sitting on my chest.
I just want to hit him so hard right now that I can't even put it into words.
I want to just go off and never stop. (but I'm biting my tongue)
I want to hit him upside his head and maybe knock some sense into his thick ass skull and maybe just MAYBE he will GET IT!! But I do not see that happening. He's sooooo clueless about it all. He seriously feels he did nothing wrong.

In his families eyes I'm the bad guy. How is that? I have no clue. And I don't give a shit anymore either.

It's like I feel like I have no one to talk to. I feel alone. I know I'm not. I always have Mandy for one. But, I don't really think anyone can make me feel better. Or knock this depressed feeling out of me. It's not that I'm depressed because of him. I can't really explain it. It's sad when I'm really not to surprised that he did something this dumb. He already has done everything else so what else was to come next. I figured following me or showing up. No it was calling. Dumb ass!

I really don't like being unsure about myself. I don't like having feelings for someone else.

I hate that wanting feeling.
Why the hell do I have that?
How could I have that?

I like the wall. I want the wall. I don't like letting people in because of this feeling. I want to back off. Let it go away. Die down. And then who knows. But this feeling? Ugh! Never really saw this coming! Completely blind sided me.

Today everyone could tell I was not myself. Super tired and staring blankly into space. "You ok?" everyone kept asking. Am I? Yeah I am. Do I feel it? I just feel different. Not myself. Lost. I'm usually a pretty big goof ball at work. I wasn't even listening to my IPOD, just was there. I guess the very little sleep I've had in the past 3 nights has caught up to me. And well my thoughts.

I know I need sleep. I haven't slept much this weekend at all. I'm headed towards being a walking zombie. I can't shut my mind of during the day and it stills is going strong through the night.

Yeah this post... Way out there and all over the place. Nice random sentences. OH well. That's how I feel I guess. Wish I could REALLY express how I feel, but I don't even know how that is. I'll get over it, and be my happy goofy self again in no time. I just wish it would hurry up. This front I'm putting on isn't working very well. I can only put on that smile and pretend so long.

Saturday, April 7, 2012


Trust doesn't just come naturally to me anymore. I used to have this heart that just let everyone in. I used to trust everyone. Which in return I got burned, bad.

Most of my trust issues are of course because of the hell I went through with the ex. The one person I should have been able to trust the most was the one who hurt me the most. I put everything all out there to just get lies and hurt in return.

Since I left I have had a hard time with trusting people. I'm not just saying trust in a relationship either. I don't really trust people period. It's not getting any easier to trust someone with feelings or whats on my mind either. It seems like the more I start to open up, someone makes me regret it and I in return shield myself once again.

The other day I was in my own little world at work. Had my Ipod in just listening to music, keeping to myself and being quiet. I had a lot on my mind. When I'm at work I seem to be able to tune the world out more easily and think. I was thinking about trust which is why I'm writing about it now. (well technically typing lol) I was just standing there thinking how you really can't trust anyone.

There is not one person I can honestly say I really trust. It's like when I open up and say something personal I regret it almost instantly. I have one person I share most things with and that is about the closest person I have to me. He's probably the one person that keeps things to himself when I share them. Who does care. When I'm having a bad he says "babe when your having a bad day, it makes me have a bad day cause your my best friend" and that's all he is, is a friend.

I have plenty of friends I talk to and hang out with. I have a best friend of course. But do I trust any of them with everything? Do I trust them with my feelings, problems, or secrets? No.

Recently I was looking out for someone who was hurt and upset. This person was going through problems and I was giving my best advice to help. I wasn't looking out for anyone but them. They ended up sharing this with the person they were having problems with once things were better. Well I learned my lesson on that one. Don't come to me for advice if you are going to just try and use it against me. I mean nothing I said was bad or anything, it's just the point. You obviously came to me for advice and someone to talk with. So don't burn your bridges. At some point your going to need it again and I'm not going to be there. When someone gives you advice and is there for you, don't put them out on front street. That's how you end up with no one.

I used to be able to talk with my mom about everything. I went to her every time I was upset, hurt or just needed someone to talk with and vent to. Something changed. I can't seem to connect with my mom on any level anymore. That hurts. She was not only my mom but she was my best friend. Now we barely have a regular conversation. Our conversation consists of what time she needs to be here in the morning to take Lucas to school. When I talk to her about something it's like she's annoyed and just tells me "well you better figure it out" OK well DUH! But really mom? If I talk to her about anything anymore she's negative. One thing she doesn't understand anything I go through. She's been married to my father for like 26 years. She never had to go through the custody battle, the split, the problems I go through with Lucas because of it, the relationship with 2 different families. It's not easy. And she just DOESN'T get it!

At one point during the custody battle it was getting pretty bad. The ex was lying pretty bad about me (which the guardian knew was a lie on proof thank god!) but the courts weren't really doing what they should have been doing. They seemed to be letting him get away with murder and I was the good mom who was innocent and paying for it. My mom said "If that was me I wouldn't even do it anymore, I couldn't go through that forever, I'd just stop fighting and hand you over to him" WHAT??? REALLY?!?!?! That's your advice? That's you supporting me when I'm FIGHTING for my son? Yeah that's what I'm talking about!

So the few people I did confide everything with, aren't there anymore. I'm so used to not having someone "really" there. I have friends of course. But I'm used to being let down. I'm used to it. And to be honest this wall I have up is just getting stronger and stronger. Eventually it will be impossible to come down. But I think I'd rather have it that way. I still get my feelings hurt from people. But hopefully that won't be like that much longer. I'm sick of being there for everyone. I'm sick of giving advice, for listening to someones problems, for being there when they need someone, and when I need someone, no one being there.

Tuesday, April 3, 2012

Make believe

<3 All girls want the fairy tale <3

Cinderella gets her prince charming with the glass slipper. Snow White gets rescued by her prince. Sleeping Beauty is awoke by her prince with a kiss. All girls want the fairy tale.

Why do girls love chic flicks? They are a fantasy! All woman watch romance movies and want that! We want that kind of passion. We want our prince to rescue us from whatever it is we may need to be rescued from.

I of course like many other women love chic flicks (as well as many other genres). I could curl up on the couch in my pjs with a couple of good chic flicks and be in heaven. When you watch romantic movies it makes you melt. You have that "I want that" feeling. I personally get giddy watching romantic chic flicks!.. It's like you put yourself in the other girls shoes. You get to imagine what it's like to be her. That feeling that they are feeling at that moment when that one who she has wanted and waited for kisses her for the first time.

All girls want this. Which is why I think we are so drawn to romance movies or novels. It's like it calls to us, lol.

For example, The Notebook! I don't know a girl who doesn't LOVE this movie! It's like the most romantic movie ever!... After a summer romance they go their separate ways, although never forgetting one another. Even though years apart they prove love conquers all.

Or Pretty Woman! Another classic! God I love this movie! The way Richard Gere looks at Julia Roberts in this movie you'd think they were in love. The sex scene. So passionate and romantic. The ending where he screams up for her and climbs up the ladder even though he's terrified of heights! So sweet!

We all want that prince charming to sweep us off our feet. That kiss we get butterflies for. A guy to hold us in his arm and hold our face with his hands and kiss us like they mean it.. This only happens in the movies though.

MOST girls (I included, even though I'm not super lovey dovey I still like it!) like the sweet little gestures a guy makes. If it's pushing your hair out of your face, grabbing you in someway, grabbing your hand, putting his arm around you, hugging you for now reason, laying on the couch or cuddling up in bed watching (none other than a romantic movie! lol). We all love the little affectionate touches.

We want that passion when we make love (Ok not always! haha) That passion in your eyes when you look at us, when you touch us, and kiss us. We want what's in the movies. To be able to go to him for any and everything. If somethings wrong we want to be reassured your there. We want a best friend, a lover, a man. We want a protector. All woman want the same thing in many ways. Just with other stuff thrown in there. =P

Sunday, April 1, 2012

Pushed to the limit!

I just don't get it.

I really don't!


Ok well one thing I can't stand is someone who is OVERLY jealous! It kills relationships. I don't understand how someone can be so jealous to the point where it causes so many fights and arguments.

When you smother someone it doesn't make them want to be around you more. All it does is pushes them further and further away from you. It makes them resent you.

If I go out with my best friend and do not come home until 2:30 A.M then so be it. I went out, I had fun, get over it! If I came home at 4 in the morning, then you can be mad, ya know? Nope not in my house. If I go out once a week that is to much. I am a person not a damn object. All I would do if I stayed home would be sitting around the damn house. I guess excuse the hell outta me for wanting to hang out with my friends.

I can't stand to be in my own house and questioned like I'm at a damn police station. It gets old.... QUICK! You can only question someone so many times before that person eventually shuts down. You can only give the same damn answer so many times you start screaming it... Before it turns into a huge fight. Where things get said that probably shouldn't.

I'm sick of feeling like I live in a damn prison. I am so sick and tired of being questioned to death. It's like harassment! I shouldn't have to share what time I arrived my destination, how many drinks I had, the topics of our conversations, every person I said a word to, and what time I left my destination. I mean really?? Who the hell wants to live like that?

If there is that little trust then why in the hell are you with me? What is the point? When I go out and have a good time the last thing I want to do is come home and have to give a replay of my every word/move. When it gets to this point why bother coming home?

Something can happen on a Monday and he'll bring something about about it on Wednesday.. Seriously?!?!? Like really? You dwell on it and sit on it and run it through your head a million times to fight all over about it again days later. I don't understand it. Not only do I not understand it I don't want to live like that. I don't get people!

Well it has now hit that point where in our relationship where I've said over and over and over again to knock it off. To stop with the questions. To stop with the assumptions. I can't do this forever. I've come to that point where I can't stand coming home. I've reached that point where I do not want to be around him. It's sad when you feel like that.

I can tell him a story and somehow he'll spin it around to something I never said or did and then it's a fight. No matter what anymore it's a fight. I'm sick of the fighting. I'm sick of the arguing. God damn just hit me and shut up and I'll be happier than I am now!!

I always feel like he's upset, mad, sad or whatever. It's like all he does is think about what is wrong or what could be wrong. What I'm doing, who I'm talking to, what is running through my head. I've never felt so trapped in my life. I can't do or say anything without him needing to know. It's like I'm not aloud to have my own private thoughts without sharing them with him. I feel like I'm living in hell. What's sad is when we first started dating he knew EVERYTHING I went through with Dan. He knew how controlling he was. How he was always jealous. And then you turn out to be 10x as jealous as he was. He always says he doesn't understand how someone can walk around with a negative attitude and just can't go through life being happy. Well take a good look in the mirror because obviously that's you! When you constantly think negative thoughts about what I'm doing, or where I'm at or whatever that's be a damn hypocrite!!! I can see if I was at the bar 5 nights a week. But once.. Really?

I sit and try to talk to him. I really do. But it's pointless. I just CAN'T have a damn conversation with him if my life depended on it. I'll get about 5 words in and then he'll interrupt me. He'll either start with the damn questions again or start with the damn assumptions. And then it leads to a fight because I've tried to talk and obviously I can't so now at this point I'm frustrated, irritated and pissed to all hell!

I hate having this feeling all the time. This anxiety, this stress, hurt, upset, pissed, angry, resentment, this loneliness. I used to be able to talk to him, to have fun with him... Now it's so much work, and I don't know if it's even worth it anymore. I always put everyone first. I work 2 jobs so everyone has stuff, we get to go out and do fun stuff, to put money up for the wedding. I work my ass of working a ton of hours. I'll go 6 months and never really go and do something for myself. So when it starts getting nice out and I start doing something for myself and getting out and having some time away with my best friend, it causes major problems. He doesn't even have to say it, I can see it.

When your with someone and you love them you should want them to be happy. Everyone needs time to themselves. I know I love my "me" time. Just because I make plans to go out and have fun with my friends doesn't mean I'm doing something wrong. There is 14 years difference in age. So we might not exactly do the same things for fun. I choose to go to a bar and have drinks with friends, and you choose to go to a friends and watch the game. Ok? Fine! His thinking is because I'm going out on a certain night he needs to also. Ummm yeah why can't I go out on a Friday and you go that Saturday or a different day? Or just because I go out you have to in return go out? It's not a competition. It's life. People have friends and go out with them. I'm 27 years old. I want to go out and have fun.

You'd think after being through the same problems through 2 years shit would change. Yeah guess I was way off on that one!

I just need to be me. I want to be me. And I'm sick of having someone try and make me something I'm not. If you love me then you'll except it. If not then I'm not the right one for you. I'm at that point of being done. Not much more I'm willing to take.

Thursday, March 29, 2012

Reading List

2012 Reading List

I could walk into Barnes and Noble and buy the store out within minutes. Wait, seconds!

There are always a number of books that come out weekly. I'm always seeing or hearing about new books that I want to read. BUT what about all the old books that I've always wanted to read? I get to caught up in new books. So what I'd like to do is follow this list I'm going to put together. If a new book comes out, great. I just want to alternate or at least read a few on this list. I mean there are so many good ones that I haven't started. The Hunger Games? How have I not read this trilogy yet? Yeah, I don't know either! lol

Currently I am reading The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo series. When I am finished with this I will start another book. Or better yet read this and another book. Either way I want to pick off the list on a regular basis, instead of always putting all of these great reads! Maybe by making a list it will motivate me to read a little more than I have been lately. I mean I remember when the new Harry Potter book would come out. I'd have that huge book read in 2 days easily. Now? Not so much. Yes I have more going on in my life than back then, but still I have enough time to read every day for at least a half hour.

Now this is not in any particular order. Just by the books that I can remember that I've jotted down in my phone or left notes to myself on random pieces of paper when I came across a book that I seemed to interest me. As of right now this is the most current list of books, some old some new.

"The Hunger Games" By Suzanne Collins
"Catching Fire" By Suzanne Collins
"Mockingjay" By Suzanne Collins
"The Best of Me" By Nicholas Sparks
"Fifty Shades of Grey" By E.L. James
"Fifty Shades of Freed" By E.L. James
"Fifty shades of Darker" By E.L James
"Lone Wolf" By Jodi Picoult
"House Rules" By Mike Lawson
"Once Upon A Secret" By Mimi Alford "My Affair with President John F Kennedy"
"Baby Proof" Emily Giffin
"The Help" Kathryn Stockett
"Defending Jacob" By William Landay
"11/23/63" By Stephen King
Sarahs Key" By Tatiana De Roshay
"The Note" By Angela Hunt
"The Lost Years" By Mary Higgins Clark
"Mrs. Kennedy and Me" By. Clint Hill
"Occupying Wall Street: The Inside Story of an Action that Changed America" By writers for the 99%
"Unfinished Business" By Nora Roberts

Here's a list of the last few books I've read.

The Rogue: Searching for the real Sarah Palin....
So I loved this book! I can't stand Sarah Palin and this just shows her colors. And I believe it. I saw this book promoted on Good Morning America one very early morning while I was in the hospital. It sounded so good that I came home and immediately downloaded it onto my kindle. Very good read!

The Vow
This was a short read but a good read. I saw the preview to the movie and looked to see about the book. I found out that they hadn't re-released it yet. So I waited until the day it came out and ran out and bought it on my break at work. It was good. Sad. And moving!

The Next Always By. Nora Roberts
I couldn't put this down!! This is one of her new series. I can't wait until the next one! (I absolutely loved her last one The Bridal Quartet) I'd recommend this all day!

James Patterson's A Christmas Wish
Now I'm a huge James Patterson fan. I love all of his books. (Well except for the Maximum ride series) I love his, I'd guess you'd say, romance books. A different writing for him, but he does it well. So with that being said, I was disappointed with this book. Was it good? Yes. Was it great? No. I was bummed.

Extremely loud and Incredibly Close By. Johnathan Safran Foer
Loved it! Some parts were a little boring, but all in all I really really liked it! So different than expected. Not the type of book I normally read. Different. Funny, Sad. Read it!

The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo Stieg Larson
OMG! 5 stars all the way!! I tried reading this book, what, two years ago when it first came out. Had a very hard time starting it. It didn't catch my interest. I had to keep re-reading what I had already read. Eventually I gave up. I wasn't getting anywhere with it. A couple weeks ago I picked it back up to give it another shot, since everyone rants and raves about it, and what do you know? I couldn't put it down!! It was amazing! I HIGHLY recommend this read!

Monday, March 26, 2012

Silly day =P

Random silly quotes, pics or whatever! I don't want to think about anything depressing or sad right now. I want to escape my head, my thoughts. So I'm going to laugh!

..I'm usually about Live Laugh Love and Dance, but today it's more like Raise Aim Fire and Reload..

If we're in the middle of an argument and I start laughing; be very afraid! (fyi this is true lol)

Does the sound of some people's voices not make you violently ill and the look of them make you wanna smash their face off a brick wall? No? Just me then? OK

Next time you're in the dressing room, yell real loud, "Where's the toilet paper?"

well another hard day,my imaginary friend was running with scissors, the voices in my head where fighting with themselves, and I'm still missing my helmet :(

A man shouldn't think they won an argument if a woman stops talking, she is only plotting his death in her head.

... Everything just seems much better when you're in denial.

nananananananananananananana Batman!

...throw me against the wall, pin my hands above my head and kiss me like you mean it! =)

Why does Sea World have a seafood restaurant ? I was halfway through my fish sandwich, and realized, "Oh my God.... I could be eating a slow learner !!"

I don't need anger management...don't piss me off and i won't get angry.

I'm right 97% of the time. who cares about the other 4% (haha!!)

Would love to just once look at the cop who has pulled me over and say "Bad Cop No Donut!" :D

I am most certain that men are from another planet, And i think it's about time that their ride comes to get them and take them back!

when and old lady pokes you at a wedding and says "your next". just do the same to them at a funeral. (almost spit out my water at this one lol!)

I never think about what I'm going to do. The voices in my head give me very clear directions.

I'm gonna buy you a kitten, make you love that kitten, then while you're sleeping I'm gonna come and smack you in the face with a shovel, and steal your kitten.

I'm coming out of the closet, yep, my glow in the dark watch stopped glowing.

is lonely, because I got into an argument with the voices in my head today and now we're not talking to each other anymore.

When I get bored sometimes I look at these funny shuffles and crack up! Lee will look over and ask me "What the hell are you doing?" Then I tell him laughing at the shuffles. Then I'll continue to randomly crack up. He won't even know what I'm reading and laugh because I'm laughing so hard and the dumbest shit! hahaha

Sunday, March 25, 2012

Where does the time go?

As Lucas's 5th birthday approaches the harder it seems to be. For some reason this year it's really hitting a spot. My baby boy is going to be 5 years old tomorrow!! He's almost done with Preschool and on his was to Kindergarten. His baby talk is almost non exsistant. He is growing into his own person. And I don't like it at all!! lol.

I know you want to watch your children grow up and see the person you raised them to be. But this mom right here wants her little boy to stay her little boy! I look at Lucas and all I can think about is everything I went through to get him. How everything must happen for a reason.

It just seems like yesterday I was holding Lucas in my arms for the first time. Looking into his eyes knowing I was a mommy and not knowing the journey I'd take with him. All that matters was I had him.

When they are a baby you can't wait for them to roll over, sit up, crawl, walk, and talk. Then as they approach all these milestones you were so excited to reach a pain hits your heart knowing they are growing up. Knowing they won't always be this little.

(Pic of His first time crawling)

When I woke up this morning I turned to Lee and said "I can't believe Lucas will be 5 tomorrow, and I'm going to cry.." And I did. He just came back with the normal comment. You want him to grow up and see how he will be and blah blah blah.. No I don't! lol I want him to stay mommy's lil punkin butt!!

I love to look back and read his baby book, scrapbook, and journal I write in about what he's doing in life. All the cute little sayings he said. "Bop it!" for Stop it! lol. How he says vitamins. (It's so adorable!) How excited he was when he'd go potty in the big boy potty!.. Him and his best pal "Harwie" (Harlie my dog. I had gotten her right before I found out I was pregnant) Lucas loves Harlie. Say if I say "Ugh the dogs stink" Lucas comes back with "Harwie don't" Or if the dogs are play fighting it's never Harwie it's always Caine's fault! lol.

I remember laying in the bathtub with my big ol belly and watching him roll from side to side! Screaming for Dan to come look! The first time I felt him move. The first night sleeping in his crib, his first time crawling, walking, his first word "mana" (yup thats right with witnesses my lil man said mama before dada!!"

I know it's part of life watching your children grow up. But I don't know if I'll ever have another. (Which will kill me) So I have to cherish every moment that I have. I am not ready to let go. (You'd think he was moving away! lol) I want to be there for everything he does from Karate or soccer to his class parties to putting him to bed at night with a story for our mommy and Lucas bonding time.

What I think really kills me is he's with his father this weekend. He will wake up on his birthday with me not around. Although I should be thankful because Dan is bringing him to work on the way up to school so I can give him a birthday hug and kiss, and hand over the cookies I'm baking for him to take to school. Confetti pudding cookies. (tonight will be my first time making them) He wanted cookies! And tomorrow for dinner we will be going to his traditional birthday dinner at Red Robin with family and friends. Have his huge party with a crap load of toys on Saturday.

I'm happy to watch him grow. But sad that my lil man won't be so little for long. Which is why it pisses me off that his father is barely around anymore to see him. Cherish every moment you have with your children because you never know what could happen. I'm always telling Lucas how much I love him and hugging and kissing him. He knows how much I love him, and to me that's all that matters!

First time holding my baby in my arms

Sleeping so innocently

Lucas's one year pics. This one is my favorite out of all of them!

Two year pics!

Wow.. Three??

Just last year.. Four year old pics at wildwood!

Lucas on his first day of preschool! My big boy!!

Just some randoms... Lucas first birthday getting his face smashed in his cake. Which he flipped out about!! Lucas never liked anything on his face or hands. He freaked! Screamed bloody murder! lol But it was cute as hell! Then Lucas and I up at the strawberry fields picking fresh strawberries. He had a blast. Picking his own strawberries and eating them on the way home! lol .. Lucas swinging at the park. One thing we ALWAYS do when it's nice is go play or ride his bike at the park. I just love this pic of him he's so happy swinging here! And the final two pics are of him and I and him in front of Thomas the Train. We went to A Day out with Thomas up at the train station up in Flint Michigan. It was amazing! We rode a half hour ride on Thomas, did all sorts of activities, they had shows, everything you can imagine Thomas!

Happy birthday boogs (what I always call him) mommy loves you with everything I have. You were the best thing that happened to me in life. Not a day goes by that I'm not thankful for being your mommy. I hope you look back when you are older and see everything that I did for you. I hope you have the best 5th birthday a little boy could have!!