Bucket List

My Bucket List

 

I thought long and hard about what I want to do before I die. Many people have one. I'd love to see what I can cross of my list through the years. I'm sure there are more but this is what I came up with so far.

1. Own a jeep
   
2. Swim with dolphins
3. Ride in a hot air balloon
4. Visit Niagra Falls
5. Learn to play the drums
6. Run a marathon
7. Volunteer at animal shelter
8. Take a helicopter ride
9. Visit Disney world
10. Visit Universal Studios
11. Hiking in the Grand Canyon
12. See Phantom of the Opera
13. Visit Bush Gardens
14. Go to the Bristol Night race
15. Take a real photography course
16. Go horseback riding
17. Go zip lining
18. Watch the sunset on the beach
19. Take up kick boxing
20. Take boxing classes
21. Go to Las Vegas and see shows
22. Own my own house
23. Take a pottery class
24. Take a cake decorating course
25. Go on a cruise
26. Explore caves
27. Stand under a waterfall
28. Visit Colorado Rocky Mountains in Colorado
29. Go skiing
30. Take a glass blowing class
31. Visit mall of America
32. Do a murder mystery train
33. Ride a big ride at Cedar Point
34. Go to Comicon
35. Visit New York City
36. Visit Chicago
37. See a Cirque du Soleil show
38. See Kenny Chesney in concert
39. Stay in a cabin in the mountains
40. Go to a winery/vineyard
41. Go to a different NFL game stadium outside Ohio
42. Dine at a VERY fancy resturant
43. Go kayaking
44. Do indoor rock climbing
45. Go paint balling
46. Drive the NASCAR experience
47. Ride a camel
48. Go tobogganing
49. Vacation by car with no destination
50. Stay at a bed and breakfast
51. Visit France
52. Visit the 911 site
53. Visit Italy
54. Plant a garden
55. Go hunting
56. Attend a rodeo
57. Go to country concert (the festival)
58. Own a jet ski
59. See a NBA game
60. See the Super Bowl live

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Happy this week!

So this is something I need to start doing every week. With everything going on. Remembering things that have made me happy and thinking positive. Not concentrating on the negative and problems all the time. Remembering and looking back is therapeutic and helpful in reminding me why it's a big deal to keep my life going.

- I took lucas to the zoo and we had a blast. It was a gorgeous day and we Had so much fun. He was all smiles! All the animals were out and active. He even took his iPod so he could take his own pictures! We saw everything. His favorite was the wolf of course, the aquarium, the sloth bear, and sea otters. He didn't even ask for anything! Very good kid!.. On the was out he grabbed my hand as we were walking to the car and said, "I love you mommy" and gave me a big hug. Made my day!

- After the zoo I took Lucas to his dad's until Friday. Had my psychiatrist appointment. Upped 2 of my meds. So I decided to go get some healthy foods. I was low on fruit and veggies plus I needed some other healthy food for dinners. Came home took meds and had a bad headache since, and was wired! Finally fell asleep around 4! But watched a bunch of my new awesome show Scorpion on DVR and read! It was so nice being here alone!

- Yesterday's weather made me happy!! Gorgeous sunshine! No humidity and was finally able to shut off the A/C!

- Lucas and I were spoiled by a friend that bought us a new Wii U! Can't tell you how happy we are!!

- I got thin. 141 lbs. I'd like to tighten up and lose some of my baby belly. And my hips. But I'm feeling more comfortable and confident in my clothes now. A couple of my dresses are too big but the rest look really good! I don't want some perk saying crap to me but it does make me feel better about myself when I notice them looking. As long as they leave their perverted comments to themselves. Not interested!

- I did some awesome couponing! I got so much laundry soap, toilet paper, dishwasher tabs and more! It was awesome! I haven't been able to do that in awhile.

- Some of My shows are on again!! The Real Housewives of Orange County, Mistressses, Criminal Minds, and Devious Maids!!

- Lucas finally put his $100 big lego city swamp police set for his birthday together. He sat there quiet while watching Teen Titans Go building his set. He was so good and took him about 2 hours. It was amazing and he did a great job!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

- I took Lucas to see Jurassic World on Tuesday. He was in heaven! He's obsessed with Jurassic Park movies, the toys, the new Xbox game I got him and dinosaurs period! GREAT movie. Actually my favorite of the 4!

- I FINALLY found the Chucks I wanted!!! Been looking for my size in the light turquoise for so long and I found them at Kohls on sale for $30!! Saved me $25. And I got another pair of tall boots like my other ones just different color. $80 boots for $20! Look how beautiful they are!?

- Finally my book came out. I was so excited to get it and start it. Grey! The new Fifty Shades Series book told from Christians point of view. I also picked up a few other books that I've been wanting to read. I've been reading like crazy. Book stores are my sanctuary. and I had a really bad day and needed to forget for awhile.

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Misery

Every day I wake up fighting and every night I fall asleep fighting. Myself. My head. My demons. I hate this continuous fight every. Single. Day. I hate how I feel. All these feelings and thoughts that never go away, just burrow deep inside me. I can have the best day and all of a sudden it will creep up on me slowly out of nowhere and BAM! Hits me. I hate the anger that comes with it. I have learned to have a better grasp at controlling it but it still does come out sometimes. Being tired all the time. Struggle to make myself stay awake so I can spend time with lucas and play with him. I hate that my marriage went to hell. I hate choices I've made. I wish he knew what I was truly going through. I wish he understood what goes on in my head. How sorry I am. How I never wanted everything to end up like this. I want to feel Normal. What I would give to be hAppy. All I do anymore is cry. I have no desire to do anything. I slept for like 20 hours so I was out late at my friends boyfriends with them, we stopped drinking. I was so close to canceling on her but I'm glad I didn't. It was good for me to get out with my friends. I'm alone all the time which I read isn't good for someone with my issues to be alone as much as I am because it gives me more time to think bad thoughts. I don't want to end my life but I know I can't go on like this forever. I'm miserable. It's endless. I try so hard to not think negatively. But it's so hard when all you have is yourself. I just want to go back 3 years. Back when I wasn't struggling as bad as I am now. Back when I was happier. Back before I fucked everything up. I hate myself.