Sunday, March 25, 2012

Where does the time go?

As Lucas's 5th birthday approaches the harder it seems to be. For some reason this year it's really hitting a spot. My baby boy is going to be 5 years old tomorrow!! He's almost done with Preschool and on his was to Kindergarten. His baby talk is almost non exsistant. He is growing into his own person. And I don't like it at all!! lol.

I know you want to watch your children grow up and see the person you raised them to be. But this mom right here wants her little boy to stay her little boy! I look at Lucas and all I can think about is everything I went through to get him. How everything must happen for a reason.

It just seems like yesterday I was holding Lucas in my arms for the first time. Looking into his eyes knowing I was a mommy and not knowing the journey I'd take with him. All that matters was I had him.

When they are a baby you can't wait for them to roll over, sit up, crawl, walk, and talk. Then as they approach all these milestones you were so excited to reach a pain hits your heart knowing they are growing up. Knowing they won't always be this little.

(Pic of His first time crawling)

When I woke up this morning I turned to Lee and said "I can't believe Lucas will be 5 tomorrow, and I'm going to cry.." And I did. He just came back with the normal comment. You want him to grow up and see how he will be and blah blah blah.. No I don't! lol I want him to stay mommy's lil punkin butt!!

I love to look back and read his baby book, scrapbook, and journal I write in about what he's doing in life. All the cute little sayings he said. "Bop it!" for Stop it! lol. How he says vitamins. (It's so adorable!) How excited he was when he'd go potty in the big boy potty!.. Him and his best pal "Harwie" (Harlie my dog. I had gotten her right before I found out I was pregnant) Lucas loves Harlie. Say if I say "Ugh the dogs stink" Lucas comes back with "Harwie don't" Or if the dogs are play fighting it's never Harwie it's always Caine's fault! lol.

I remember laying in the bathtub with my big ol belly and watching him roll from side to side! Screaming for Dan to come look! The first time I felt him move. The first night sleeping in his crib, his first time crawling, walking, his first word "mana" (yup thats right with witnesses my lil man said mama before dada!!"

I know it's part of life watching your children grow up. But I don't know if I'll ever have another. (Which will kill me) So I have to cherish every moment that I have. I am not ready to let go. (You'd think he was moving away! lol) I want to be there for everything he does from Karate or soccer to his class parties to putting him to bed at night with a story for our mommy and Lucas bonding time.

What I think really kills me is he's with his father this weekend. He will wake up on his birthday with me not around. Although I should be thankful because Dan is bringing him to work on the way up to school so I can give him a birthday hug and kiss, and hand over the cookies I'm baking for him to take to school. Confetti pudding cookies. (tonight will be my first time making them) He wanted cookies! And tomorrow for dinner we will be going to his traditional birthday dinner at Red Robin with family and friends. Have his huge party with a crap load of toys on Saturday.

I'm happy to watch him grow. But sad that my lil man won't be so little for long. Which is why it pisses me off that his father is barely around anymore to see him. Cherish every moment you have with your children because you never know what could happen. I'm always telling Lucas how much I love him and hugging and kissing him. He knows how much I love him, and to me that's all that matters!

First time holding my baby in my arms

Sleeping so innocently

Lucas's one year pics. This one is my favorite out of all of them!

Two year pics!

Wow.. Three??

Just last year.. Four year old pics at wildwood!

Lucas on his first day of preschool! My big boy!!

Just some randoms... Lucas first birthday getting his face smashed in his cake. Which he flipped out about!! Lucas never liked anything on his face or hands. He freaked! Screamed bloody murder! lol But it was cute as hell! Then Lucas and I up at the strawberry fields picking fresh strawberries. He had a blast. Picking his own strawberries and eating them on the way home! lol .. Lucas swinging at the park. One thing we ALWAYS do when it's nice is go play or ride his bike at the park. I just love this pic of him he's so happy swinging here! And the final two pics are of him and I and him in front of Thomas the Train. We went to A Day out with Thomas up at the train station up in Flint Michigan. It was amazing! We rode a half hour ride on Thomas, did all sorts of activities, they had shows, everything you can imagine Thomas!

Happy birthday boogs (what I always call him) mommy loves you with everything I have. You were the best thing that happened to me in life. Not a day goes by that I'm not thankful for being your mommy. I hope you look back when you are older and see everything that I did for you. I hope you have the best 5th birthday a little boy could have!!

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