Friday, March 16, 2012

Domestic violence. It's real.


■Every 9 seconds in the US a woman is assaulted or beaten.
■Around the world, at least one in every three women has been beaten, coerced into sex or otherwise abused during her lifetime. Most often, the abuser is a member of her own family.
■Domestic violence is the leading cause of injury to women—more than car accidents, muggings, and rapes combined.
■Studies suggest that up to 10 million children witness some form of domestic violence annually.
■Nearly 1 in 5 teenage girls who have been in a relationship said a boyfriend threatened violence or self-harm if presented with a breakup.
■Everyday in the US, more than three women are murdered by their husbands or boyfriends.
■Ninety-two percent of women surveyed listed reducing domestic violence and sexual assault as their top concern.
■Domestic violence victims lose nearly 8 million days of paid work per year in the US alone—the equivalent of 32,000 full-time jobs.
■Based on reports from 10 countries, between 55 percent and 95 percent of women who had been physically abused by their partners had never contacted non-governmental organizations, shelters, or the police for help.
■The costs of intimate partner violence in the US alone exceed $5.8 billion per year: $4.1 billion are for direct medical and health care services, while productivity losses account for nearly $1.8 billion.
■Men who as children witnessed their parents’ domestic violence were twice as likely to abuse their own wives than sons of nonviolent parents.

This is something that hits home with me.

I was in an abusive relationship for 5 years. That's most of my adult life. It was all I really knew. I was raised to not take crap from a guy. I was always so strong. I fell in love. It was great. Then he became verbally, mentally, and physically abusive, and controlling. He also was cheating on me for the first 2 1/2 years (that is what I know of for sure). During this whole time he was mean, abusive, lying, cheating, and drinking.

At a point in our relationship I got pregnant and we had Lucas. Things were better for a little while. He was never home, either working or at the bar. I was basically a single mom but with a pay check. Towards the end when things started to get worse and progress. I went out one night a few girls. Was back at 11 pm. He grabbed my phone went through it and I said "You are going to find anything in it I didn't do anything wrong" He then whipped it across the room and it shattered. Many fights and arguments later became the night where it got really bad. We went to my best friends house. Having a good time. I was drinking a little with my friends and playing around in the pool while he was going to watch Lucas so I could have some fun. His idea of fun was telling everyone how Lucas wasn't his and what a whore I was. He ended up taking off without even telling me. A few of my guy friends went over to talk to him because they knew how he was and what I was going home to. We got a call saying he pulled out a gun. I called my mom while we were on our way over there go come and get Lucas out of there because I knew I had been drinking. I walked up asked where Lucas was he pushed me down a few times in front of friends and family. Where in return a friend (who is basically family since we've known eachother since I was little) took control and basically beat the shit out of him. Cops were called. They kept trying to get me to press charges. I just kept saying I couldn't put my sons father in jail. I left. He suckered me back in a 5 months in by promises. (Which was the biggest mistake I made) The main reason I went back is I felt bad for breaking up our family. I didn't want Lucas to have a broken home.(Which I know now that it wasn't me who broke up our family)

That was in June, the last time we were together was New Year's Eve a few months after. We stayed home because we had Lucas (and I was never a fan of being on the roads on this night, especially since I have Lucas) and ordered pizza and had a nice family night. After I put Lucas down is where things started going wrong. He start accusing me of everything, none of which was true. He just kept drinking and drinking. He was so mad that I had seen Lee while we were split up and confided in him with everything. He started throwing him in my face. He just kept getting more and more angry with me. I knew how he got when he was drunk so I just tried making everything better. Not saying much, letting him vent. Until finally he pushed the wrong button. He had said something about Lee and I and finally I said "I know one thing, Lee would NEVER treat me this way." I went to the bathroom and before I knew it he busted in the door. He threw me into the shower/tub (it was hard ceramic, not one of these plastic ones!) I got up, and he threw me back in. Lucas woke up and was standing in the hallway at that point. He was crying and wouldn't even go to his dad. I knew then and there it was over. Not to mention the whole right side of my body was badly bruised and my neck and back were really sore. That was when I knew it wasn't best for Lucas to have his family together but for us to be apart.

He later went on and did this again. I won't share that. Luckily it didn't get as bad. After which I went and fought for full custody of Lucas. Which I won.

This is something that stays with you forever. I'm a lot stronger because of it, but it doesn't mean that I forgot it. I will never let myself or my son be put in that situation again. I still flinch when me and Lee fight and he makes any movement. Even though I know that Lee would NEVER put his hands on me or any female. I'm happy I'm with someone who would never hurt me in any way.

Why am I posting this today? Because he decided to send me a text today and tell me to wear a certain color on a certain day to support Domestic Violence. The nerve! But in his eyes. He doesn't think anything he did was wrong. After everything he has done to me and put me through he sends that text? Unfortunately I have do deal with him for the rest of my life, because of my son. But I'll never forget what he does. And I hope like hell that my son doesn't turn out to be 1% of what his father was, in this way. I got out when he was young enough. But eventually he will have another female living with him where I believe he will do the same.

This isn't a joke. Domestic Violence is real. Some are in relationships with abuse and people may not even know. You can keep it hidden. I did for years. It's embarrassing, and you feel helpless, and low. Don't judge them, support them. You may see it but until they do nothing will change. The longer you are in an abusive relationship the harder it is to leave. I was in one. But I think I had it lightly compared to a lot of other women. These movies on lifetime guys make fun of. It may be a fiction movie.. But it happens!

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