Friday, March 23, 2012


How does someone not have their child as #1?

Lucas is my number one priority in life. He comes before anyone or anything. Simple as that.

I don't understand how parents could choose alcohol or a man/woman over their child!!

I feel bad for Lucas. I know his father loves him, but unfortunately not enough to have Lucas as his #1 priority. His father is on a regular basis cancelling his visits with Lucas. He has him every other Tues- wed and then fri-mon morning. That's every other week. He got him one Saturday-Sunday, his Tuesday for 3 hours, and then on Wednesday for an hour. How in the whole month of March is that enough time to spend with your 5 year old son??? It's not!

How could you walk into a bar and drink until you can't walk, get in your car, and then drive home to an empty house knowing you just chose that over your son?

What's sad is he's not hurting himself or me, he's hurting his son. But it pisses me off to know end knowing he's out there screwing around with some poor girl that doesn't know what she getting into, or drinking himself stupid. While I am at home consoling our son at bedtime while he's crying that he doesn't get to spend the night at daddy's. That when something happens he doesn't show up at the emergency room to make sure his son is alright, but instead get drunk at a diaper party. Doesn't attend any school class parties, soccer games, karate matches, or DR appointments. How does a parent do that?

Just becuase you pay child support and support your child financially does not make you a good parent. Yes you help financially support him. It helps pay for his nice preschool he attends, the clothes he wears, and the activites he's involved in. But that does not make you a good parent. He's not going to remember preschool that well, he's not going to remember what nice clothes he had, but the time you spend with him. The activities you do with him.

I hate when Lucas cries because his daddy hasn't seen him. When he's waiting in his clothes with his bag packed and his dad calls and cancels because "he was forced to work" (which is rarely the case). It's heartbreaking. I hate seeing him sad. I hate that his father not only hurt me for years but is now hurting his son in other ways. I hate that this will all take a roll in how Lucas will grow up. I just pray that I'm doing a good enough job for the both of us that Lucas will be a great father from birth on.

I know that Lucas is my #1 priority. I know that out of everything else there is going on in the world I'd much rather spend my time with him. I love seeing his innocent face when he's asleep. When I pick him up from school and he's excited to tell me how his day was, when he calls me "mommy", how he curls up with me on the couch to watch his cartoons and hugs me and tells me he loves me. To me that is the best thing in the world and nothing is even in close competition with it.

When Lucas is grown I want to have that chance to tell him how much I was there for him in every way possible. That I was supportive in his decisions in life. That was there to listen, discipline, and help guide him through life.

I chose to be a parent. I didn't choose a man/woman over my son. Nor did I choose partying. I love Lucas with everything I have to give. He is my world. He's my reason for living and the only good thing that came from my past relationship with his father. All the pain and hurt I went through was worth being able to look at him everyday. To put him to sleep at night and to look in his loving eyes. I'd do it all over again if I had to. I love my lil man!

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